Bimbofication Journal

Okay. So, Bambi is on days 7 and 8 now. It seems to be totally going great. I mean, there was the guy who really, REALLY wanted to cam with me yesterday, and was totally abusive because I wasn't responding fast enough. Like, this is where I can see Panda and Bambi buttheads. Bambi obeys and pleases. Panda doesn't take abuse. Panda also has a business to run, and is willing to work with people, but can't do stuff for free. Bambi is a slut. Panda is a whore

 

We bash heads. Someone asked me yesterday after 20 days, do I think Panda will ever totally be gone? I truthfully think that is impossible. Like, if I was isolated, single, alone with a trainer just doing Bambi and bimbofication.... ya, like, maybe. The fact is, I will always have ties. I am a mother. I have a wife. There will always be external ties to my Old Self as much as I attempt to erase her mentally. Because of that.... I will always be this merged personality, with Bambi fronting (not an uncommon concept to someone with dissociative issues).

 

With that being said, part of the files I am currently listening to that stuck out are that Bambi is her own person with her own memories. This is sooo totally true! Bambi has kinda rewritten memories from my youth. So, I have memories as Panda, but the memories of Bambi are clearer.

 

For example, Panda didn't lose her virginity until she was almost 18, but Bambi lost her's closer to 10 or 11. Bambi was supposed to babysit. The boy she was supposed to babysit ended spending the night at a friend's house, so Bambi was left there till the parents got back. About 2 hours in, their college age son showed up. Proceeded to hang out in his room with the door open, and then take his shirt off and do some things around the house while Bambi watched nervously. Eventually, he came and took Bambi by her hand and guided her to his room, and taught Bambi what her purpose was. Everything actually happened except the part where he and Panda had sex.

 

When Bambi was older she used to babysit for this rich couple. They had a huge van with captain seats. When the mom drove Bambi home, she would have Bambi go down on her in the front seat. Same with the dad. Bambi just altered already existing memories. Bambi was failing classes, and asked to stay after school to earn extra credit. Bambi found herself bent over teach's desk.

 

These are just some of the ways Bambi has taken over.